We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
