Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
