My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
