how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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