my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
