Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
