I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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