I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
