The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
