you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
