I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
