I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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