Umm I'm too high to move.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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