Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize