your thong is hanging out like whoa
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
