You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
