I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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