whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
