Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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