Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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