Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just want to make out with him forever
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
