final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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