Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
