Im at strip club and am horny
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
