I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
