Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Church boner. Awkwardddd
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
