So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
