if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
