At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This is the high leading the old right now
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
