her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
