no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
