Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
