ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
