My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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