i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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