Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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