He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
