My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
sex in a hospital.. check
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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