I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
