Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
