we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
