i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
