Plan B is the new Plan A
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize