the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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