I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
