hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
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