when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
