The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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