you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
