i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
