ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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