I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
