his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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