I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
