his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
