Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
kristin has been a bad kristin
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
ugly people sure do ruin things
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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