Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
