While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
