I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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