I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
