That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
