mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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