I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You are a genius and a whore.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
