the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
