This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
