You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
