watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
