She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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