she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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