LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
