It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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