I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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