is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
