The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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