Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
