i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
