I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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