i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
