Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
