Did you just see the Batmobile???
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
