I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
