marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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