I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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