Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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