Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
