sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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