I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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