Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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