Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
