How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize