3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
