Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
