Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
