Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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