I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
