so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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