I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
