Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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