I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
