these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
