if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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