The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
